Quitting drinking finally after these twenty years of spiraling down the drain wasn’t ideal. It still isn’t ideal. I don’t even want to do it. Yeah yeah, I know. I have kids who hate me, a wife I’ve hurt. But alcohol is—was—my best friend.
Sobriety is hard. There’s no dancing around it. It’s hard, and I’m no good at it. I’ll always want a drink, and I’ll still be fighting for that drink. My therapist thinks I’m stronger than that but I know I’m not.
I’m in AA, of course, I am. And believe it or not, getting my 90-day chip was hardcore to some of these people. I’m not one to judge of course, but I’ve been asked a few questions about how I’m coping. I figured I’d answer them here, in case anyone else out there is like me and doesn’t even know how they’re staying afloat.
Why Do You Want To Get Sober?
That’s always a fun question. Like, how am I supposed to answer that? Like all the pamphlets say? “Hey, I’m Nick and alcohol ruined my life.” But I guess that’s what it is. Alcohol ruined my life, and I don’t know who I am without it. I want to get maybe to know that guy and see what life can be like.
What Are You Doing To Stay Sober?
How to stay sober? I’m writing a lame blog as my therapist suggested. I’m not the best writer, I’m okay I guess. But it is a relief. I can talk without all these faces staring up at me. I don’t get judged where I can see, or even looked up to. I don’t want anyone looking up to me, not after what I’ve done.
What Does Sober Mean To You?
Man, sober. That means, like, life. You know? Sobriety is a whole new life. There are things you can do that you wouldn’t believe. Like, you can go out and watch a movie and not pass out halfway through drunk as a jackass. You can enjoy a meal and remember it. You can hang out with friends and remember.
What Was Your Rock Bottom?
It thinks rock bottom realized there was no rock bottom for me. I abused my kids and my wife and didn’t care. What was it gonna take for me to change? I didn’t feel anything about it, nothing when she left me. I was a terrible person and I guess I realized alcohol was part of the reason. If I was gonna change, I had to leave the bottle behind.